A Victim Never Forgives - Heal PTSD (don't forgive just yet though)
Not all trauma, but the overwhelming majority, is caused through people to people interaction.
Getting stranded somewhere, running into a park bench with your car, or facing an animal attack can all lead to PTSD.
But...
More often than not there's a human component in trauma.
I know people first hand who have had their entire lives devastatingly changed forever, with a single human encounter.
What Happens When Someone Hurts You
Well for starters, you often hold fear or anger toward this person or persons.
And for most people, they hold both anger and fear.
These emotions are either experienced together, or separately at different times in the 'grieving' process.
When a trigger comes up or you have an 'on-the-edge' day...
Who pops in your head along with your body's trauma response (aka fight/flight/freeze)?
Whoever caused your trauma, right?
Well, that sucks.
I mean...
Your body is experiencing PTSD symptoms and your mind is on high alert.
Now you gotta deal with this shit on top of that heap?
It's overwhelming.
Common Reactions To Trauma
Replaying memories over and over again in your head.
If you're familiar at all with the practice of computer coding (or the show Mr.Robot)...
You'll understand that getting caught in a 'loop' is when the same code keeps repeating again and again.
It simply doesn't have any further instructions on what to do.
So, it keeps repeating the same function.
It's the same with your 'code' or memory.
Instead of occupying your time with something productive, you're thinking about what happened. You're thinking about someone who wronged you.
Feeling guarded against everyone
After you've been hurt or betrayed, it's easy to see the world as a dark place.
Everyone's out to get you and all the 'good' people are gone.
Your defenses are high and your trust is low.
PTSD almost always throws off a balanced perspective with a one-sided view.
The truth isn't that the world's a dark place...
It's that the world CAN be a dark place. (And often is for people with PTSD.)
You have your own world. And your perspective dictates much of it's reality.
If you have to live on the defense 24/7 then it's gonna be dark.
But, if you learn to find balance again, all of a sudden the lights start to come back on.
You don't need to be scared that you'll let your guard down and get re-traumatized, if you set up your boundaries correctly. Checkout that article here: (coming soon)
Difficulty sleeping and nightmares
This one kinda goes back to repeating the same memories over and over in your mind.
As soon as your head hits the pillow it's trauma time all over again.
Your eyes close and the show begins. Almost like a waking dream.
Your breathing becomes shallow, body temperature starts to change, and your muscles tighten up.
Deep breathing is one way to activate your parasympathetic nervous system (it relaxes you).
It's not just any kind of breathing though, so if you don't know how to breathe, learn how here.
Doing this practice before sleep will loosen up your body and help you relax. Deep breathing is one part of a much bigger puzzle.
You WERE a victim, not ARE a victim
It would be so easy to become a life-long victim at this point.
With just a few of the ways trauma can fuck up your life listed above...
Why wouldn't you simply blame, resent, and hate the person who did this to you?
Well, you would.
As a matter of fact, it's no surprise that it's healthy to manifest your emotions.
The problem is that if the resentment and bitterness go on too long you'll end up hurting yourself more.
You see...
You were a victim. In every sense of the word.
Victim
noun noun: victim; plural noun: victims
a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.
If you're denying that you have been a victim before, when someone or something else hurt you, you're probably denying your own feelings of anger, sadness, fear, etc.
Choke those down for too long and they'll take away any control and domination you had in your own life.
Don't Forgive Just Yet
Sometimes you need to be pissed. Sometimes you need to be sad.
Work that through your system.
Go to an open field and start screaming.
Start lifting a weight for reps until you can't do anymore (of course, keep good form and don't hurt yourself).
Go run until you're mentally and physically exhausted. Until you can't feel the internal battle anymore.
Go to a secluded place (maybe your car) and talk or yell at that person as if they were there. Say everything you need to. How you feel, how your life has been impacted, etc...
Go into your closet and cry. Let yourself experience that release.
Because, my god, it's releasing tension and sadness!
Just because you cry a few times over something, doesn't mean that you'll end up developing some sort of crying habit.
In fact, it means that you won't feel like crying about those same things later on, because you've done it. It's gone. Get it out of your system.
If you think crying is for beta-males read this.
A Victim Never Forgives
We see this happen all the time. Where someone was once a victim and now they're always a victim.
A victim never forgives.
That's why they're a a victim!
Do you know how fucking strong and free you become when you forgive?
You're not hurting anyone except yourself and those that love you when you hold onto hate, fear, and resentment.
Whoever hurt you is long gone and moved onto their next target or maybe working on changing their own life.
By forgiving them, you set yourself free.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgive
verb verb: forgive
stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
Fuck this textbook definition of forgiveness. It's pathetic and weak, because it completely skips past the process of forgiving and dives straight toward the end result.
Forgiveness is when you stop trying to change the past. It is the act of letting go.
You don't have to care about the person who caused trauma. You don't have to like them, trust them, or send them well wishes to forgive them.
You simply have to want to move the fuck on.
Your forgiveness could simply be you saying and feeling in your heart, "I forgive you for this, this, and this".
You don't have to make up excuses about why they did what they did. Or hope and wish they get their life on track.
You just need to forgive or they'll be part of your life forever.
And that's a fucking twilight-zone type thought.
Don't let resentment fester.
Make the decision to forgive and you'll see improvements in your PTSD and an increase in your personal freedom and strength.
Remember that no matter where you're currently at, you can become way better than you are right now.